Description : We Lived Separate Lives
We Were Living Like Roommates
The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner
Why Aren't You Married? Facing Your Love Alibi
Ever Have A False Positive In Dating?
When Love Manifestation Turns Into Mani-Frustration
Are You Discounting Yourself In Love?
Ordering Love Like A Latte
Looking For A Quick Fix For Your Love Life?
Impatient for Mr. Right?

Every good One Date Wonder has a few sneaky tricks up her sleeve. In my case, more than a few really. I have some big sleeves, ok? Anyway, I usually wouldn’t give them away to the entire internets, but his is just too good of a story to pass up. So here is just one of my little tricks: I have a secret account on OKCupid that I use to scope people out without them knowing I’m doing it. Sounds juvenile, but it has serious benefits. I can browse anonymously. I can look at people I know. And no one ever has to know I’m doing it.

Due to the top secret nature of said account, the profile isn’t filled in and no one ever messages it. Or no one did, until last week. I already knew there must have been some desperation involved as this person had sent a message to someone who had zero personal information of any kind, no basic stats, and no picture. I’m not even sure how he found the profile, to be honest. But whatever, he did. The message was a little sad but being the sick voyeur I am, I went to look at the profile.

It was even sadder. He is 36, tragically short, and whines throughout the entire profile about how no one ever answers him. It was revolting. And then for the cherry on our little tragic sundae, he announces that he’s a virgin. A short, whiny, lonely, 36 year old virgin. And we wonder why no one responds?

At first I just laughed. Okay, I’m mean. I actually went back a few times to laugh. It was sort of funny, you know? Then I thought, maybe he really doesn’t know. I mean, he can’t help being short. And depending on beliefs (and availability) he can’t really just run out and lose his virginity. But he can stop the incessant whining, and not announce the lack of experience up front. He’d be a little less pathetic then, you know? Of course you know. Apparently everyone knew but him!

So…. I told him. Yep. I wrote back and told him. I sweetly announced that I was going to try to help out and I told him how unattractive the desperation was and how perhaps he should not declare his virginity right up in the front like that. I almost regretted it when I hit send, but then…. well…. I didn’t. Didn’t regret it, that is. I totally hit send.

He, of course, wrote back. He actually accepted the constructive criticism and changed his profile up according to my suggestions. Don’t misunderstand me, I still find it to be a rather tragic sundae. But at least it lacks whipped cream and a cherry on top, you know? I mean someone less savvy than myself might be fooled. Not you, dear reader. Of course not you. But, you know, someone. Anyway, he wrote back to say he had taken all the suggestions and then took a shot at me by pointing out that the advice was a bit rich coming from someone who hadn’t bothered to fill out their own profile. I almost let it go, but I figured I would nip the whole thing in the bud right there. I told him I wasn’t looking for responses. Different goals call for different tactics.

I figured that would be it. He had gotten his helpful advice and I had clearly just told him I didn’t want responses. But no. Of course not. The tragedy continued. Next I got an email saying that was a fair enough assessment… and asking me about my hobbies. That’s right, the short whiny virgin was trying to chat me up. After I specifically said I was not interested in anything. I think I can actually smell the desperation from here.

I have not answered. I think I just will not. I have made the dating site a little bit better and perhaps taught a tragic little man a bit about how to write a profile. Or perhaps not. But I’m not sticking around to find out.

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 29.04.2022

Fin de l'événement : 01.05.2022

Description : There’s No Such Thing as a “Good” or “Bad” Marriage
A Married Man Needs Only 3 Things From His Wife
I Am Not The Caretaker of My Marriage
10 Guilty Pleasures For Couples
The Man Behind How I Have It All
14 Ways Having Kids Affects Your Relationship
Love Rewards the Brave
The Book That Changed the Way I Look at Love
When Divorce Runs in the Family
The Silence That Can Save Your Relationship
Is It Ever OK to Lie to Your Spouse?

I feel like I’ve gone from happy and optimistic about TC… to insecure and doubting.

He’s been away for work all this week, and he barely e-mailed and didn’t call once (I left him a message midweek). This is quite a departure from his last business trip, when we e’d just about every day and talked a few times during that week.

Yes, I know how busy business trips can be, blah blah blah… but if you really want to call or text, you’ll find the time to do it.

So many questions in my mind, as I try to think, did I do something to turn him off?
Maybe we spent too much time together last weekend?
Maybe some recent pics I sent him felt too boyfriend / girlfriend-ish?
Maybe he's simply lost interest?

Logically, I'm trying to think, a few days without him calling really isn't that much. But now I'm in "preparing for the worst" mode. Ugh. I can't help but think, just when I've finally met someone great... it's going downhill already. (“cue the violins, Drama Queen…”)

We have plans this weekend, will just have to take a temperature then. And if it does end? Yes, that would suck, but I have to remind myself – it certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world. Wish me luck.

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 28.04.2022

Fin de l'événement : 29.04.2022

Description : My Dead First Husband Is Haunting My Marriage
My Husband Is Ashamed of Me
My Husband Barely Talks to Me Anymore — So I Cheated on Him
My Husband Is a Big Bore
My Husband is a Compulsive Gambler
My Husband Is Depressed
When Your Boyfriend Flirts Too Much
When "Taking It Slow" Feels Like a Red Flag
The Ethics Of Breaking Up With A Sick Partner
State of the Relationship Union
Widowed and Dating: Navigating Sympathy and Honesty
Love vs. Security: Can You Build a Future Without That ‘Spark’?
What Really Counts as Cheating?
Polyamory Dating or Just Playing?

After a few weeks of mentally wanting to give Capt Awesome a chance, I finally had to admit to myself: I'm just not that into him. The attraction just isn't there. It doesn't help that he sometimes makes a facial expression that evokes Don Knotts -- aka, Ralph Furley from "Three's Company":



We haven't seen each other in nearly a week, and aside from a "Happy Thanksgiving" text, haven't been in touch. I thought about how I felt during our brief "honeymoon" period: I liked the attention he lavished on me, and how thoughtfully he planned our dates. But did I like him? I wasn't sure. I had a hunch that I was just enjoying the feeling of maybe liking someone, rather than liking the actual person. Does that make sense?

Now -- it seems like we may be having the mutual fade-away. I feel like maybe we'll have "the talk" soonish -- or maybe not? I'm actually fine with it either way. I generally prefer the "closure" of the talk, but if another week or so goes by with no communication -- well, there's the answer.

In the meantime: I've had two dates with someone new. It's too soon to say I'm feeling giddy about him, but he does make me smile. We have another date planned for this week -- maybe I'll have a blog name for him after that. A nice touch: we met on Jdate, but it turned out that we already knew some people in common -- he went to high school with one of my very good friends.

And -- blast from the past -- I'm seeing New Guy this week for a belated birthday dinner. Refresher: New Guy and I dated for a few months about a year ago, stayed in touch now and then, and I realized that I still had feelings for him. (d'oh! Freudian slip? Just now I typed out "HAVE feelings" rather than the past tense "HAD feelings". Interesting!)

Anyway -- the plan is for a casual, platonic, birthday dinner -- he told me on the phone that we have loads to catch up on. ("Oh, you just remembered that you're crazy about me?", I thought hopefully) It will be lovely to see him -- maybe we'll have one (or more) of those fabulous, passionate kisses -- well, that wouldn't be so terrible...

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 29.04.2022

Fin de l'événement : 30.04.2022

Description : Marriage vs. Addiction: Winning the Battle for Love
Marriage Without Intimacy: Can Love Survive the Distance?
Holding On or Letting Go: When Addiction Tests a Marriage
The Marriage We Almost Lost: How Unemployment Changed Everything
Marriage And Chaos: Finding Common Ground in Parenting
He Seemed Interested. So Why Didn’t He Call?
Online Dating Isn’t Desperation
Changing Your Dating Approach
Why Modern Dating is More Complicated Than Ever
Dating Someone With Debt
Marriage vs. Parenthood: Life After Having a Baby
The Fine Line Between Casual Dating and Commitment
How to Handle the Truth After Discovering a Betray

• “one of the dudes at one point was like ‘this goddamned anchor baby beaner,’ and Ted throws his head back, ‘yeah, all right, gomer pyle, bob hope eat a dick whoever the fuck you are…’ and everyone laughed their asses off.”

lol this is how a lot of AMOG types interact. It’s basically shit-testing the other guy and seeing if he’s going to be a bitch and let it get to him, or if he’s going to laugh and throw it back in their face…then they end up best buds because they have a mutual respect for eachother.

It was really a bunch of mind-fuckery when I first started hanging out with other dudes and seeing this stuff first-hand. And I had the same reactions you probably did where you’re like “wtf?? This is insane, I don’t get what just happened at ALL…I don’t even WANT to get it, this is stupid to me”. But now I can handle myself the way Ted does and I understand a lot of this is just about respecting the other guy and earning his respect.

There was this one Natural dude in my first social circle who would alllways try to tool me and compete with me and challenge me to getting girls against him etc. etc. And I thought he was the biggest fucking asshole for the longest time lol Then one day I realized what was going on was that he actually respected me and just assumed I wouldn’t be phased by any of that and that I was on his level…it was because I was at the “fake it” stage of “Fake it till you make it”, so OUTWARDLY I was projecting that I was on his level, but interally I wasn’t at all, so he was reacting to me like I was on that level and had no idea I was faking it and he was actually frustrating me lol

Again down the road you “make it” and now when I meet guys like that, they love me, because I can go back and forth with them and my frame is stronger and they respect me. And because I understand the dynamics of what’s going on, I actually don’t mind it and laugh about it sometimes and have fun with it, instead of being confused and annoyed that that’s how guys are.

“Is there something to his theory, or is Ted insan”e…or both?”

Ted is definitely insane, but you’d be surprised at the insights you can learn now and then from the insane lol :)

“I was planning on not going out, but there was an event at a club that 90% of the school social circle were attending. So…why not?”

Type d'événement : Réunion d'un Groupe de travail

Début de l'événement : 18.03.2022

Fin de l'événement : 27.03.2022

Description : How a Meddling Mother Nearly Ruined My Marriage
How We Rebuilt Our Marriage Through Therapy
Saving a Marriage After an Affair
Can Marriage Survive Infidelity?
Is Your Marriage a Partnership or a Prison?
Keep Him From Walking Out That Door
Managing Expectations in Dating
Why I Believe In Marriage
Dating Advice From Happily Married Couples
The Man or the Money
Walk Away From Parental Control in Relationships
When You’re Stuck in the “Casual Dating” Zone
A Necessary Courtesy or Just Overkill in Online Dating?

Pet names can sometimes be a touchy topic, as the value, efficacy and general feelgoodiness of any pet name is purely subjective and based entirely on the arbitrary criteria of the individual being pet-named.


www.nataliedee.com

In general, whether or not I enjoy being called a pet name in French is determined entirely by whether I find the pet-namer horribly sleazy or gloriously attractive.

Given my history with the parisian male population, which is a separate species that I like to call parisianus asstardanus, it should come as no surprise that there are precious few French pet names that I find particularly appealing.

French pet names I like

ma belle
mon coeur (I’ve never been much of a romantic, but I have to say that “my heart” really has a certain ring to it.)
princesse (This is not to be confused with the possessive “MA princesse”, as I don’t intend to be anyone’s princess for as long as I can help it. It implies a certain sappy dependency that I find cringeworthy.)
cherie (Harmless. But again, not to be confused with the possessive “ma cherie”, which I have decided that I dislike for no good reason)=
French pet names I don’t like

mon amour (A man needs to EARN the right to call me this.)
mon ange (Ugh. Hate it hate it hate it. Someone who calls me his angel must surely be cheating on me.)
ma biche/bichette (Firstly, I’m no doe. Secondly, it sounds too much like “bitch”.)
ma puce (Who wants to be called a flea??)
mon petit chou (Everyone knows that cabbage is evil.)
There are some contradictory overlaps between this french list and the following english list. I know. But I don’t care. I told you that this was going to be arbitrary.

English pet names I like:

beautiful (It makes me feel beautiful.)
gorgeous (It makes me feel gorgeous.)
my lady/milady (It makes me feel like a genteel lady.)
sugar (Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that this one, said with a southern drawl, melts me on the spot.)
babe (I am indeed a total babe!)
my love (Nobody has ever actually called me this except some Irish women in a totally platonic way, but I don’t think that I’d mind of a man were to call me that.)
honeybunch (Come on, it makes me laugh! I can’t help it)
English pet names I don’t like:

my beauty (That’s what you call your car.)
honey (Sticky. Icky.)
baby (Think about it. It’s creepy!)
baby girl (Creepier.)
babycakes (Ew.)
woman (This is fun as a joke, but call me this seriously, and I will likely hurt you.)
slut (Do I even need to explain this one?)
dear/my dear (This sounds patronizing. In a great-aunt kind of way.)
And thus I now (abruptly) conclude my random post about pet names because snack time absolutely cannot wait.

What about you all? This topic is clearly subjective. Feel free to discuss your feelings about pet names in the comments section below. Bust my balls if you want. I’m feeling feisty today!

Type d'événement : Réunion d'un Groupe de travail

Début de l'événement : 26.03.2021

Fin de l'événement : 28.03.2021

Description : Surviving a Long-Term Affair and Saving a Marriage
Transforming Communication and Parenting in a Troubled Marriage
Healing a Marriage by Confronting Insecurities and Building Trust
Religious Differences and Strengthening Marriage Bonds
The Affection Gap: Bridging Emotional Distance in a Long-Term Marriage
Workplace Dating Detours
When Blind Dates Go Wrong
Comfort Vs. Fulfillment In Modern Dating
Demanding Respect and Openness in a Relationship
Get Outta My Dating Pool
Seeking Clarity and Connection in Dating
Gym Flirting 101
Finding Balance in Love After Loss

Today Drake called me “missy” in a blog comment and though it was meant to be snarky I couldn't help being delighted. Then I got a phone call from my cousin where he came back at me with his normal, “listen, Lady!” and I had to laugh. I laughed because something about being called anything but Julie (my name) or Jewels (what most people call me) just makes me a bit giddy.

I love pet names! I know some women get moody about the terms of endearment and nicknames that their men give them. I don't care if you call me "turd face" as long as you do it sweetly. Okay, well maybe I do mind “turd face” but most names I find absolutely adorable.

I have been called a multitude of names in my life…

· Butt much-which is my father’s name for me. Isn’t he so sweet?
· Sweetie, honey, baby, Hun, and babe-the old standby’s
· Lady (though mostly by my cousin)
· J, Jazz (my initials are JAZ), Jewels, Jewel, and Julieson (mostly by friends)
· Jalana (pronounced Ja-Lay-Na) which is a combination of my name mixed with my sister Alana’s (pronounced A-Lay-Na) that my mother uses for any of us 4 girls despite the fact that Nicole and Gina’s names are nowhere in there.

I love when I am in relationships and get a pet name. It is so freaking cute. Short of calling me “mommy” I find it sweet and sexy. You want to call me (and I have been called all the following) Pumpkin, Pudding, Sweetie Pie, Sweetheart, Lover, Tigress ;-), Goddess (yes one ex called me this constantly), Princess, Angel, Dear, Darling, Agape Mou (“my love” in Greek and a personal favorite of mine), Baby Girl then go right ahead. In no way do I find these names condescending, offensive or diminutive. I eat them up.


Here is where I have no problem being coddled, cuddles, and made to feel precious. I love feeling girlie and protected. Something about these pet names makes me feel cared for, provided for, treasured, and absolutely adored by my man. I have friends that hate them. They will bite back with, “I’m not your baby!” or with some argument about not wanting to feel belittled.

I am a strong, confident and secure woman and I love being babied by my man with sweet terms of endearment. I love him calling to say, “Hi, baby. I was thinking about you and had to talk to you.” Or “You are my Goddess…what would I do without you?” I love the confidence and familiarity they project. When a man can be sweet enough to call you a pet name with no sense of reservation in front of his friends…well that makes me want to pull him into the nearest room and show him just how sexy I think that is. If he is hanging with his friends and I bring in some beers and he grabs my hand on the way out to pull me down for a quick kiss and says, “Thanks, Angel.” Well…he is getting lucky later that night.

I also love the term "little lady" or "woman". I have no problem with somebody calling me "woman". As in, "Listen up, woman!" I can't even get mad...if we are fighting I immediately don't care anymore. I am sure in the right situation I would be livid if somebody called me, "woman" but I haven't found it yet. I think it's adorable when older gentlemen call me, "darlin" or "sweetie"...come on...that is straight up adorable!

How do you feel about pet names? Do you have one or one for your significant other that is cute and unique that you want to share? Do you have an aversion to them? Do you use them only in private settings and not in public? I’d love your take on this.



I also have to thank all my followers because I have made it to 70 followers and am so excited! I am so happy that I have been able to blog about an array of topics from online dating, cancer, music, sexy men, drunken rants, and most recently birth order (I LOVED all the feedback for that one) and you have rolled with each topic without ever saying to me, “What the hell were you thinking!” So thank you for letting me be me and supporting my writing no matter what I am writing about. I appreciate it so very much.

Type d'événement : Réunion d'un Groupe de travail

Début de l'événement : 31.03.2022

Fin de l'événement : 02.04.2022

Description : He Went to War and Came Back a Changed Man
Unmasking Hidden Unhappiness in Marriage
Workaholic Heartbreak: When Success Costs Your Marriage
Recession Realities: When Financial Stress Tests a Marriage
When Unemployment Tests Marriage
Movies That All Women Should See To Understand Men
Love Lies and Responsibility
The Dating Mishaps of the Ladies of Love Twenty
The Black Male Preference Privilege
Anatomy of a Great (Reality) Relationship
Your Rear End or Your Pride
Why Splitting Costs Isn't Splitting Love
(Broken) Laws of Attraction
FORWARD:
I don’t have a degree in marriage and family counseling, I am not a relationship or dating expert, I have no credentials to talk of these subjects other than my own observations. In no way are they to be taken as facts, they are just my own theories.

• Okay, now that’s out of the way, here goes my rant on cheating men…

Before I get an angry responses from anyone…let me assure you that I love men (read “How to make a man feel like a man”). I think that they are wonderful and would hate to live in a world without them. I love their scruff, their large rough hands, their crooked smiles, their simplistic view of the world, their ability to see situations so differently from women, thus offering an often refreshing take on things. They are beautiful in their imperfections.

Despite this I’m realistic about them. They have flaws (as do women) and I wonder if they are capable of monogamy. I look at my father who despite not always being in the happiest of marriages has always remained faithful, at my uncles, and older generations in my family and have no doubt in my mind that they have stayed true to their wives. It’s my own generation that I have problems with.

Somewhere along the way we started to feel entitled to an easy life; a life that we don’t have to work for. Relationship is work, maintaining happiness is work. More and more I see people who are unwilling to work to make their love work.

“I do not think there are any men that are faithful to their wives.”
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

My disillusionment with male fidelity started early on. After watching girlfriend after girlfriend cry herself to sleep after the man she lost her virginity to threw her away I swore that would never be me. So I set out to make my first time a one night stand with no emotional connection. Yes, I know, how very jaded of me. The man I lost my virginity to was a married man with children (which I didn’t know at the time). I knew him one night and it was a great night but I was left feeling pretty crappy about this mans poor wife and children.

My “love” in college was a man/child with a girlfriend. The funny thing was that we never made a secret of our relationship. All our friends knew about us, we would even hang out with his girlfriend sometimes, laughing at how she had no idea what was going on with us. To be honest I didn’t like the girl and didn’t feel bad in the slightest about sleeping with her boyfriend.

I have had dangerously flirty relationships with more than one married man that included sexting, emails, visits without the wife knowing, stolen kisses, and secret looks. I have not slept with them, and won’t. While the zing and lust that they create is wonderful I will not knowingly sleep with a married man.

These men sometimes have seemingly happy relationships, then again I’m not in them and only the 2 people in the relationship really know. From the outside these marriages seem to be going well. They have the house, the job, the kids, and sure things may have gotten a bit scheduled and predictable, but their wives haven’t let themselves go, they seem to still love and desire their man…so why do they wander? Sadly, when asked, these men have simply answered, “Because I can.” They seem to think their wives will never find out or if they don’t won’t leave because of the children or their low self esteem. This is sad, but probably true.

“It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks lateness, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patching to repair great rents in the quotidian.” John Updike


It’s scary that men justify their infidelity so casually. Just…I do it because I can, because she won’t find out, because if she did she wouldn’t leave me. I have heard men say they were tempted to cheat because they felt under appreciated by their women, others who are unhappy with the quantity and quality of their sex life, and still some who say it’s because their woman is too busy with work or kids to pay attention to them. To these men I say….grow up! Sorry if you don’t like it…but if you can’t open up a line of communication to your woman, express your feelings about these issues, and try to work them out…then what the hell are you doing married?

To those men who have talked to their women about these issues and have been unable to work out solutions and are still unhappy…well that’s harder. As stated before I am afraid our generation has taken for granted that things will be “easy” for us. We have to work for happiness. I never want to say to any male friend or lover “leave your woman” but I suppose sometimes that is what will happen. I won’t pretend to know what goes into making a marriage work…I’ve never been married and feel no desire to ever get married…but I’m pretty sure that such a blasé attitude towards unfaithfulness isn’t a good omen for a relationship.
“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” Jimmy Carter


I’ve often studied the women in these relationships, wondering if they feel a distancing from their husbands, if they suspect that he’s cheating on them and from what I can see, they don’t. (This, by the way, scares the shit out of me and is one of the main reasons I never want to marry…I never wanted to be that woman!) I don’t always know the wife, but there have been situations where I have. Not well mind you, but I’d seen them here or there, sometimes had conversations with them, and even been a guest in their house. They always seemed happy, staring adoringly at their husbands from across the room with no apparently concern that he might not be faithful to her.

There have been a number of men in my past (some not too distant) that I have been involved with who have had girlfriends. After dabbling in the dangerous flirtations of married men, a guy with a girlfriend seems like small game. There is still a thrill there and none of the guilt of breaking vows. I usually have no problem sleeping with a man who has a girlfriend. I would make this okay in my mind by saying, “If she can’t keep him happy that’s her fault.” I know this is a crappy thing to think. To the best of my knowledge I have never been cheated on…and maybe my low number of serious relationships and higher number of casual sex partners is a way to protect myself from it. Who knows? All I know is that if my man cheated on me I would be absolutely destroyed and if the girl came at me with that excuse I’d probably deck her.

I’m aware of how this makes me sound. I know it’s a sad reflection on the way I view and value myself…trust me…I do (and it will be talked about in many a future blog as I try to remedy this issue). I know people will judge me on this behavior; don’t pretend you won’t and don’t feel bad about it. I probably deserve to be judged for this behavior, and all I can say is that I’m working on it.

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 25.03.2022

Fin de l'événement : 27.03.2022

Description : He Had an Affair Because I Stopped Initiating Sex
He Makes Me Feel Bad About Being Fat
He Lost Interest in Our Marriage
Saving A Marriage: He Lost His Job
He Lets His Mother Rule Our Lives and I'm Sick of It
Commitment Jitters
Love and Lust: When Chemistry Outruns Endurance
Bi Bi Love
Dealing With Your Partner’s Bedroom Confessions
Can His Squalor Be Squelched?
Asunder Down Under
Conquering Long Distance Dating
Coveting a Coworker

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

Reply
UGH! says:
February 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm
She had a long term dating relationship with I think 2 different guys. The relationship ended, they remained friends/kept it cordial. The guy(‘s) later met someone & married. The wife was not accepting of this friendship. Actually I don’t blame them & the guys were stupid for not knowing this without being told.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

Reply
DC Phil says:
February 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm
You might be right. There’s some truth to the stereotype of the crazy cat lady, which is more common than the crazy dog lady. That is, she has a pet, but no man.

I hold all women over 30 suspect who have more than one pet. One reason is because the pet fulfills her nuturing need, but expects very little in return except being fed, petted, brushed, housed, and walked. It’s a one-sided relationship.

Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 0 Thumb down 17

Reply
Joey Giraud says:

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 24.03.2024

Fin de l'événement : 26.03.2024

Description : He Cheats on Me During Business Trips
He Cheated with a Woman from the Gym
He Dotes On His Son and Ignores Me
He Didn't Know How to Listen to Her
He Flirts Too Much
Marriage Advice: 13 Lessons
Separate Vacations Don’t Have to Mean Divorce
Are Soul Mates Fact or Fiction?
Love vs. Parenthood: When the Perfect Partner Doesn’t Want Kids
Caring for Dad Is Destroying My Marriage
First Date: Who Pays and What It Really Means
Dating a Dad: When You Like Him But Not His Kid

Reply

Cali Bradshaw
January 20, 2012 at 5:07 am #
I used to respond to these comments, however I have lost interest in doing so. You clearly didn’t read the post or the comments. No one is dating because they can’t afford dinners nor is anyone saying guys have to pay. This is simply some insight for guys who seem unclear on how a lady likes to be treated. The anger that you and a few guys have expressed over this is both pathetic and humorous. I do wish you luck in finding (and keeping) your special someone. I hope she has low self esteem.

Reply

neoParadise
March 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm #
(Disclaimer: If you read just one sentence of this comment make sure it’s the last sentence!)

Actually at least some women use first dates to get free dinners –> http://articles.businessinsider.com/2011-11-29/news/30453560_1_match-com-roommates-japanese-restaurant
After that read I went through the first dates that never had a follow up in my head.

Basically I think you have an egocentric world view. You want the best of both worlds. You want the fifties with its chivalry without the staying at home and being a homemaker-part. You want the new millenium with its endless opportunities in the professional world without responsiblities that come with it. All so that every part of your life is taken care of in exactly the way you want it – no compromise.

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 25.03.2023

Fin de l'événement : 28.03.2023

Description : Is He Assertive or Just Angry?
Why I’m Done Playing by Traditional Dating Rules
Modern Romance: The New Dating Rules
Can You Spot the Four Types of Men Out There?
What to Do When a Friendship Becomes Toxic
How to Take Advantage of Being Single
He Acted Like He Was Still Single
Following My Dream Nearly Cost Me My Marriage

March 22, 2011 at 2:46 am #
Who knew this would stir such the hot debate? Cali, I always enjoy reading your blog. I’ve been out of the dating scene for a little over three years and sort of fell into my current relationship. I may not be the best to speak on dating today, but I can speak from the perspective of a girl whose “courtship” carried through into the wonderful relationship I have today.

He’s a traditional Texas boy (according to him, so no one jump down my throat) who opens doors, buys dinners, fixes my flat tires, etc., etc. I can’t speak for any other girls out there, but I’ve offered to pick up the tab since day one – and I meant it. For me, we didn’t go on our first dinner date until about two months into the relationship. I think this is another changing detail of dating the 20s – it seems to be a group activity where friends all meet up at a bar and if you couple up, you get drinks. Dinner seems to be a fleeting idea of the past (at least where I live currently).

Needless to say, my guy paid every time. He picked up the tab for me and the girlfriends I was with. I would never expect anyone to do the same, but I can say that his genuine generosity and sincere interest in not only me and my interests, but the friends I surrounded myself with is one of the endless reasons that I’ve fallen for him. It’s not about being taken care of for me, it’s the small acts of kindness that he’s always put forth. We’re in a serious, committed relationship and like the point Cali is trying to make, it’s not just about the money or equality or status or any other angry reason readers are coming up with. Plain and simple, it’s an act of kindness and genuine interest. This goes both ways, guys and girls. If you reach for your wallet, mean it.

That’s my 2 cents.

Reply

Cali Bradshaw
March 22, 2011 at 5:14 am #
Hi Katy – Thank you for your two cents! I, for one, did not know this was such a hot debate. As someone who has only been in this situation once, I don’t think there are really THAT many guys out here who are so angry about this topic. However, I seem to have brought all of them out here, didn’t I?

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 24.03.2024

Fin de l'événement : 26.03.2024

Description : We’re All Slutty For The Right Guy
Dear Men: This Is Why Loyalty Is So Important To Women
How Do You Avoid Dating a Liberal/Conservative?
Are You Looking For Fast Love Too?
Should You Fake an Active Lifestyle for Love?
When a Relationship Feels Like a Secret Mission
Pushing Through It
Embracing The Unexpected Path Of Singlehood
Why Is It So Hard to Believe Someone Might Stay?
Am I Crazy Or Is He A Hot Mess?

I told him we’d meet for lunch. My plan was to shame him by calling him a bad father/husband and then threaten to expose him with the text messages he had been sending me.

Instead, we sat around, chatted and sipped sangria at a great Cuban restaurant. It turns out I didn’t have the balls to confront him.

Things only got stranger after that. Two days after our “lunch date,” his wife contacted me asking for lessons because she wanted to get back in shape. I agreed. Now I train Mr. Married every Friday and Mrs. Married on Thursdays. Awwwk-ward. Every week, he uses a new tactic to get me to go out with him again and she expresses her deepest love and commitment to him.

I am definitely swimming in the Bermuda Triangle. As a woman, I feel obligated to tell her that he is a scumbag, but I am also afraid that she’ll be angry and blame me. (I am no fighter and prefer to keep all of my teeth.) I would want to know if my guy wasn’t being true to me, but lots of women tend to blame “the other woman” in situations like these.

If you were in my situation, would you tell Mrs. Married?

I am officially, unofficially implementing a new rule for coupled people everywhere. Please, please, please if you are spoken for, you must mention it within five minutes of having a flirty conversation with me. I am forever meeting men in social situations (I’m sure ladies do this too, so feel free to chime in guys) who will sit and talk to me for 15 minutes, half hour, sometimes even longer, will go so far as to get my number or give me theirs and wait until the very last second that we’re saying good bye to inform me that they are in a relationship or even married. On occasion, these guys have neglected to mention said girlfriend/fianceé/ wife until our first — what I believed to be — date! Come on now, people! Not cool.Out of respect for me, the single woman who wants to meet an available, unattached man, and your significant other at home, have the decency to let me make the right choice. Let me walk away (or at least keep the conversation on the friendly tip) after five minutes when I find out you have a wife and two kids waiting for you at home.

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 25.03.2022

Fin de l'événement : 28.03.2022

Description : The Top 10 White Lies People Tell In Online Dating Profiles
Things I Wish I Knew About Dating When I Was 22
8 Reasons You’re Single
Let’s Talk About Negging
What Are Your Pre-Date Nerves?
10 Things You Should Never Say To A Man In Bed
8 Things Men Want Women To Do In Bed
9 Things I Dread About Dating
I Wasn’t Jewish Enough

As a single woman, I am looking for someone who is unattached and around my age, or a bit older, and I am not looking to have kids. Tinder seemed like a good idea, but I realize now I have to vet very carefully. Word to all of you kids, male or female: Just because some guy or girl online tells you that they have an “open relationship” with their spouse doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s wise to be careful before you find yourself facing an angry spouse in the driveway (which happened to a woman I know, and she was standing there with her young son).

CarChases6? years agoReply
Ummmmm…Tinder is for hookups.

DeeGee6? years ago
Older people like to hook up too, I just don’t want some angry wife waiting for me in front of my house with a Ginsu knife. Only single or divorced men for my hookups!

CarChases6? years ago
I disagree! I know a few people who are dating after meeting on Tinder. I feel like there are all kinds of people looking for different things on dating sites and because Tinder doesn’t have any info, people assume it’s just for hooking up. I get more hook up requests on OkCupid? than I do on Tinder.

Emily Macintosh5? years ago

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 25.02.2022

Fin de l'événement : 28.02.2022

Description : I Travel The World. Alone.
An Internal Monologue While Perusing Online Dating Matches
How To Hook Up In A Hostel есть 100 дубликат на frisky
How Do You Know When You’re Ready To Vacation Together?
How To Enjoy Travelling When You’re Not On Your Honeymoon
I Fantasize About Other Men
Why It’s Easier To Meet Men On Vacation есть 100 дубликат на frisky
If You’re 300,000 Miles Away, Don’t Call Your New Man
Will Our Marriage Survive Our First Road Trip Together?
When On Vacation ... Just Say Yes

February 2nd, 2013 at 10:28 am
Two years ago i was recovering from a bad breakup. I was living in a new town and country, working for a shitty company. Six months after the bad breakup, a new coworker (which i had a crush on) began to court me. It all happened very fast. After two months i lost my job and he got relocated to another city. At the time, the best thing a I could do was to return to my country for a while until things got more settled. Just a few days before i was leaving, he proposed to me and promised we he would do anything possible to be together again. The first month we were separated he called a lot. From the second month and after not so much. He would “dissappear” a lot and told me shady excuses. I was super anxious, sad and stressed (obviously not good and healthy) because i knew that he was acting weird. Two-three months after i broke it off and was completely heartbroken. That was the last time i spoke with him. Not even a month passed and i saw he was with another girl on his Facebook profile pic, younger that me (i am 29, she is 20). Then i found out he ALSO proposed to her after only 4 months (just a little more that he did with me). THEN i found out they were getting married that same year, and NOW i think i found out he already has a baby with her. Lol,,you can imagine my feeling of betrayal and lesson learned. I still haven’t had a relationship after that and will never put my trust in someone so fast.

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Reply


Lola Says:
February 2nd, 2013 at 12:09 pm
I remember he mentioned having babies a lot, in that such short amount of time. Whenever i got upset that he wasn’t following through while we were separated he used to act like the victim and say that i was crushing all this “dreams” of having a family, blah blah blah. What a coincidence that he found someone so fast , got married and got a baby,,,hmmm,,,;-)

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K Says:

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 25.02.2022

Fin de l'événement : 27.02.2022

Description : Why Sex Talk On a First Date Is a Bad Idea
Is He Interested or Just An Attention Whore?
Never Give a Man More Credit Then He’s Earned
Stop Accepting Bad Behavior From Men
When Do You Ask A Guy If Things Are Serious?
Is She Doomed To End Up Alone?
Why The “Hot” People In This Article Aren’t Worth Dating
When You Get Dumped Sometimes You’re To Blame, Too
Never Double Down On A Guy Who Can’t Guarantee He’ll Stick Around
How To Deal With The Push Pull Guy
Who Has More Luck Online – Men or Women?
The Tell Tale Tatt


For the record. I love Feffing, and my deceased got it any time any where. My husband now, every night. So it’s not that I am prude, or don’t like sex. I am smart. This thread had to be one of the most depressing ones I have read in months. So sad. -Stephy.

I don’t see any red flags at all! I see huge Red Banners Floating across the sky!!!! My first thought is this -the guy probably had a very serious relationship that went south badly leaving him crushed. He sounds like he is moving at warp speed so as not to feel bad about the demise. Some people think the best way to get over a bad breakup is to jump head first with complete abandon into a new relationship. In rare instances, people do make it work when they jump in like this but I agree with Moxie how quickly it began I’m guessing it will burn out as quickly too.

For people old enough to look back on a successful relationship, one of the most wonderful things is to remember the beginning with all it’s uncertainty and magical moments built over time that propel you forward in the relationship. Moving at warp speed you miss out on one of the most cherished aspects of a long term relationship. I realize at 32 that might be impossible to comprehend but give yourself the gift of time. If you are meant to last, taking it slowly will only confirm what you feel in your heart.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 158 Thumb down 21

Question: I work with television and I went on a date last night with a guy who is a struggling actor. We worked together on a shoot followed by conversations over texts. He asked me out and I met him for a date. We had a nice chilled out time over drinks. We had long conversations related to work, our families, likes, dislikes etc. At the end of the date bill came and he didn’t even try to pay for it. I ended up paying for both of us as i wanted to avoid awkwardness. I don’t mind splitting the bill but he didn’t even offer to pay anything. He seemed to be a nice guy but this not paying at all have been such a turn off. Previously I have had experiences of spending money on my boyfriends without them paying. What should I do, should I meet him again or call it off. Please help I am confused.
Age: 27

There isn’t a guy reading this that feels sorry for you, but that’s neither here nor there.

The first red flag that this guy was broke as fuck was the fact that he was an actor. I zip right past those SAG/AFTRA guys on Bumble. LOL SAG AND AFTRA. They probably played a waiter with one line on an episode of Girls. Anyway, NO you should not call this loser again. What’s wrong with you that you’re even considering that?

Type d'événement : Réunion en Plénière du collectif

Début de l'événement : 26.02.2022

Fin de l'événement : 26.02.2022

Description : Do You Reveal Too Much About Your Relationship?
Be Yourself: The Truth About Authentic Dating
Why So Many Relationships End at 90 Days
There really are NO BAD DATES!
How The Law of Attraction Can Help You Find Love
A Dude Diner’s Doctrine
Soundtrax To Your Life: Pre-Date Tunes
Ms. Awesome’s Advice for Men
Bad Relationships Aren’t Investments
How To Get A One Nite Stand Out Of Your Apartment

So, if you saw the previous post, you know I was getting sick of Ghetto Club‘s nagging.

So, I decided I was going to let her chill for a few days and then when she hit me up I was going to be like “we need to talk” and then tell her about herself.

I did just that. She texted me late Monday night. I texted her back,

I’m a call u in a bit. I need to say something…

Right after I text her that, Short Model calls – perfect, after spending some time on the phone with her, I can call Ghetto Club, and she’ll never be the wiser.

So, I do just that.

I call Ghetto Club after I get off the phone.

“So, what is it you wanted to say to me?”

“I just wanted to tell you, you’ve been annoying me lately. It’s like you’re trying to pressure me to do shit, ‘you should take me to the movies, you should invite me to the club, why didn’t you text me back?, why didn’t you call me? why didn’t you invite me out?’ Do you hear what that shit sounds like. That was you last week. It rubbed me the wrong way. I actually thinking about letting you chill for awhile, but then I figured I’d tell you what’s up.”

“So, I annoy you?”

“Yes. Lately, last week. Too much nagging, that’s not how you get someone to want to hang out with you.”

“Ok. I appreciate it, I feel like I do something like that that annoys you, you should tell me, so I’ll know.”

“That’s what I’m doing right now. That’s why I’m telling you.”

“Okay. I appreciate it. I mean most guys never tell me shit, they just let me run over them until they get sick of it and disappear, so thanks.”

“Yeah. Obviously, I’d never let you run over me.”

“I see….”

We talk some more, it seems cool. She even starts to correct herself everytime she is about to say “should.” “You should… oh, wait, never mind, I’m not supposed to say that…… how about… [blah, blah, blah], see I can’t even be myself around you.”

“Sure you can, just be a nice, sweet version of yourself. I just want you to be a nice, sweet girl.”

“But, I’m not nice…”

“For me. Be a nice, sweet girl for me.”

…. conversation continues, until her mom comes into her room I guess. I start goofing around by sucking up to her mom through her, “tell your mom I said Hi Ms. [her name], how are you doing today? Having a lovely day, I hope!’” Shit like that. Blatant about it.

Ghetto Club relays the messages and then calls me a suckup.

Then, her mom leaves the room…. but, then she comes back ranting and raving about Ghetto Club’s sister. I actually hold for a bit, only because it’s her mom, before I tell Ghetto Club, “Hey! Hey! I really gotta go and work on my homework though…”

“Ok. I’m sorry.”

Minutes later, she texts me:

Her, 11:19 pm: My mom said sorry she just had to vent. And I’m sorry. She always does that :/ it gets a lil aggravating but she is my mom.. Anywho, if you have time call me back

Meanwhile, I’m not doing homework, but instead Facebook gaming like 5 different girls at the same time. After a few, I call her back. I don’t know why. I could’ve just left it at that, but I guess I still wanted to talk to her. I mean, I thought we were cool.

I call her back. She apologizes for her mom again, and then says, “You’re done with your homework already?”

“Naw, I’m not.”

“Oh, well, you don’t have to talk to me, I don’t want to get in the way of your GPA.”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Oh, ‘you wouldn’t let that happen’?, huh? Okay….”

We talk some more, about who knows what. I don’t even remember. Then, she decides to revisit it.

I hear her voice get more somber too, like she’s actually sad….

“Wait, I just want to go back to this…. “

She brings it back up.

“What is it you want me to be?”

“A nice, sweet girl.”

“I am nice to you, what else do you want?”

“You should do stuff like cook for me.”

“Why? Is this a relationship?”

“No.”

“You’re not even my man! Why should I cook for you?”

“Because you want to?”

“I don’t cook for stangers.”

“Whatever. You know me. You know you want to cook for me.”

“How come I’m willing to take your advice, but you’re not willing to take mine?”

I laugh.

“See, you laugh at me. You don’t even take me seriously.”

I laugh some more.

“I just want you to be a gentleman. Do you even know what a gentleman is? Look it up in the dictionary.”

I change the subject.

She goes back to it. ”No seriously. I want you to look up gentleman in the dictionary.”

“Draggadorf….”

“I’m so nice to you too. You invite me somewhere, and then expect me to pay. Who does that? Look up gentleman, I don’t think me and you have the same definition of what a gentleman is.”

“Girl, we’ve already talked about this. We’re not talking about it again. Stop harping on old shit. See,” and here’s my first fumble, “this is why I didn’t want to talk about this shit on the phone.”

“What do you mean?”

“I would’ve rather have talked about it in person. What’s your schedule look like this week?”

“What day? Because, I don’t know the whole week.”

“Well, I’m too busy tomorrow probably, but we can chill sometime Wednesday, maybe.”

“On the holiday?”

“What holiday is Wednesday?”

“Umm….4/20?”

“Oh yeah. You should bring me something good.”

“You just said should.”

“Yeah, you should.”

“No… if I can’t say you should to you, you can’t say it to me.”

I laugh.

“I’m serious. How are you going to ask me to do something when you’re not even willing to do it yourself?”

And…. watch my frame crumble…..

“That’s not how this works.”

“Well, how does it work? It’s your way or the highway. Everything is your way, it’s a one way street with you. I have no input.”

“Girl, calm down.”

“No, you’re not being fair! You want me to be submissive, but what do you get to be? Huh, what are you going to be for me? What’s your role?”

“A muthafucking man.”

“No! I want you to be a gentleman!”

I laugh.

“See, you don’t even take me seriously.”

“Because you are too funny when you pretend to be angry.”

“You’re not taking me seriously, I’m not pretending.”

“Yeah… you should take a picture.”

“Everything is a one way street with you.”

“Whatever. You know you want to drive down this one way street.”

“I did, I am driving down it, but I’m about to have a head on collision.”

“Whatever, anyway, what time are you free Wednesday?”

“No time now…”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah… not for you. Everything is all about you. You’re trying to control me.”

“Girl, I’m not trying to control you, do you realize all that I do for you?”

“What? What do you do?”

“I give you my time. I hang out with you, talk to you on the phone, text you…”

“I do all of that with you too… “

Phone conversation gets quiet. She tries to call me out for trying to control her. I say I’m not trying to control her, but I don’t really elaborate, we just sit there in silence. I’m stammering now… I can tell she’s actually pissed and isn’t going to say much anymore. I’m still trying to save a conversation. I don’t know why….

“Girl, I do do shit for you, stop acting like I don’t. Why you think everytime I pick a place to hangout, I pick it in the [blank] area? Because that’s in between the both of us, so it’s fair for both of us.”

“But it’s you. It’s always you making the decisions. You never ask for my input!”

“We’re not talking about this anymore… I told you how you can make a suggestion.”

“Don’t you realize I’m not submissive! I’m used to getting my way. I’ve been treated like a princess since I was 13. I don’t know what world you live in, but you need to come back to reality! You always have to get your way in your world, it’s always your decision.”

“Girl… calm down.”

“No, it’s all about you…I can’t say should but you can. What kind of sense does that make, you’re not even willing to do for me what I’m willing to do for you. I like hanging out with you, but I just don’t know if I can do this anymore…. it was nice knowing you…”

I don’t say much after that, just stuff like “Draggadorf….. “, her name, her whole name, stuff she keeps saying “yes” to, but at the same time neither of us are talking. Just sitting in silence. Eventually, I get off the phone, “Alright, I really do have to do my homework though”

“Goodbye”

“Bye.”

I get off the phone, and I’m so pissed off. That’s opposite of what I was trying to do today. I vent on Twitter a bit and decide that it’s over, and then I block her number on my phone, so I can’t receive texts or calls from her anymore – just because I don’t trust myself to actually ignore her if I don’t do that…

She goes on Facebook and writes this as her status:

your love by diddy dirty money today…im feelin really unappreciated tomorrow. people suck…. thats why its best to live a numb life!

Of course it’s about me. She’s “unappreciated” or whatever….

Then, this happens…. some dude comments on her status, read for yourself the conversation that follows:

Random Dude: Damn skippy!

Ghetto Club: JAY SEAN! i was thinkin bout you today and got sad :[ you act like you dont love miss keri no more...

Random Dude: Hahah I'll always love my miss keri! Too bad she's been MIA since forever. Loll

Ghetto Club: sayyy what? i am not MIA. thats youu. everytime i ask about you somebody says oo i havent seen himm!

Random Dude: Hahahha whaa? I'm always on campus! Stop hiding from me :(

Ghetto Club: ya yaaa... ok lets hang out wednesday... lol go to [campus event]. i need points or i wont graduate on time… :/

Random Dude: Ahahhahaha girl your gonna be stuck at [school] foreverR! Lmao. Ok sounds good then lunch after?

Ghetto Club: ooo sureee! seeing as how we still have YET to go get lunch!!!

Random Dude: You bailed on me on our last lunch date!!!

Ghetto Club: nu uhhhh! i just had to make sure them jello shots were tasty…lol it was a very important task :]

Random Dude: Still counts as bailing…

Ghetto Club: nooo bc it was for your benefit my love! its ok.. redo this wednesday!

Random Dude: Hahah fine! Where to bosslady?

Ghetto Club: hmmm idc you can pick!

Random Dude: What your buying?? Ok cool :)

Ghetto Club: yea with the whole 2 bucks in my bank acct! can we say BALLIN!!!

Random Dude: Hahah shoot that’s a chicken patty with one pickle on the side! Baller!

Ghetto Club: o yeaaaa. i likes to do it big!

Wow. Is she fucking serious? On a status about me, she’s going to set up a date with a dude and give him the same Wednesday I just tried to chill with her on. Naw…. that’s just all the way disrepectful. Yeah, her fucking number is staying deleted.

I’m done.

Sucks that this feels like a breakup almost and we weren’t even together like that. I definitely wanted to keep her around longer, but I just feel like the same “you’re not a gentleman, you need to treat me like a princess! How come we never do what I want to do?” drama was just going to keep coming up.