Men Who Cheat
Description :
He Went to War and Came Back a Changed Man
Unmasking Hidden Unhappiness in Marriage
Workaholic Heartbreak: When Success Costs Your Marriage
Recession Realities: When Financial Stress Tests a Marriage
When Unemployment Tests Marriage
Movies That All Women Should See To Understand Men
Love Lies and Responsibility
The Dating Mishaps of the Ladies of Love Twenty
The Black Male Preference Privilege
Anatomy of a Great (Reality) Relationship
Your Rear End or Your Pride
Why Splitting Costs Isn't Splitting Love
(Broken) Laws of Attraction
FORWARD:
I don’t have a degree in marriage and family counseling, I am not a relationship or dating expert, I have no credentials to talk of these subjects other than my own observations. In no way are they to be taken as facts, they are just my own theories.
Despite this I’m realistic about them. They have flaws (as do women) and I wonder if they are capable of monogamy. I look at my father who despite not always being in the happiest of marriages has always remained faithful, at my uncles, and older generations in my family and have no doubt in my mind that they have stayed true to their wives. It’s my own generation that I have problems with.
Somewhere along the way we started to feel entitled to an easy life; a life that we don’t have to work for. Relationship is work, maintaining happiness is work. More and more I see people who are unwilling to work to make their love work.
“I do not think there are any men that are faithful to their wives.”
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
My disillusionment with male fidelity started early on. After watching girlfriend after girlfriend cry herself to sleep after the man she lost her virginity to threw her away I swore that would never be me. So I set out to make my first time a one night stand with no emotional connection. Yes, I know, how very jaded of me. The man I lost my virginity to was a married man with children (which I didn’t know at the time). I knew him one night and it was a great night but I was left feeling pretty crappy about this mans poor wife and children.
My “love” in college was a man/child with a girlfriend. The funny thing was that we never made a secret of our relationship. All our friends knew about us, we would even hang out with his girlfriend sometimes, laughing at how she had no idea what was going on with us. To be honest I didn’t like the girl and didn’t feel bad in the slightest about sleeping with her boyfriend.
I have had dangerously flirty relationships with more than one married man that included sexting, emails, visits without the wife knowing, stolen kisses, and secret looks. I have not slept with them, and won’t. While the zing and lust that they create is wonderful I will not knowingly sleep with a married man.
These men sometimes have seemingly happy relationships, then again I’m not in them and only the 2 people in the relationship really know. From the outside these marriages seem to be going well. They have the house, the job, the kids, and sure things may have gotten a bit scheduled and predictable, but their wives haven’t let themselves go, they seem to still love and desire their man…so why do they wander? Sadly, when asked, these men have simply answered, “Because I can.” They seem to think their wives will never find out or if they don’t won’t leave because of the children or their low self esteem. This is sad, but probably true.
“It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks lateness, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patching to repair great rents in the quotidian.” John Updike
It’s scary that men justify their infidelity so casually. Just…I do it because I can, because she won’t find out, because if she did she wouldn’t leave me. I have heard men say they were tempted to cheat because they felt under appreciated by their women, others who are unhappy with the quantity and quality of their sex life, and still some who say it’s because their woman is too busy with work or kids to pay attention to them. To these men I say….grow up! Sorry if you don’t like it…but if you can’t open up a line of communication to your woman, express your feelings about these issues, and try to work them out…then what the hell are you doing married?
To those men who have talked to their women about these issues and have been unable to work out solutions and are still unhappy…well that’s harder. As stated before I am afraid our generation has taken for granted that things will be “easy” for us. We have to work for happiness. I never want to say to any male friend or lover “leave your woman” but I suppose sometimes that is what will happen. I won’t pretend to know what goes into making a marriage work…I’ve never been married and feel no desire to ever get married…but I’m pretty sure that such a blasé attitude towards unfaithfulness isn’t a good omen for a relationship.
“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” Jimmy Carter
I’ve often studied the women in these relationships, wondering if they feel a distancing from their husbands, if they suspect that he’s cheating on them and from what I can see, they don’t. (This, by the way, scares the shit out of me and is one of the main reasons I never want to marry…I never wanted to be that woman!) I don’t always know the wife, but there have been situations where I have. Not well mind you, but I’d seen them here or there, sometimes had conversations with them, and even been a guest in their house. They always seemed happy, staring adoringly at their husbands from across the room with no apparently concern that he might not be faithful to her.
There have been a number of men in my past (some not too distant) that I have been involved with who have had girlfriends. After dabbling in the dangerous flirtations of married men, a guy with a girlfriend seems like small game. There is still a thrill there and none of the guilt of breaking vows. I usually have no problem sleeping with a man who has a girlfriend. I would make this okay in my mind by saying, “If she can’t keep him happy that’s her fault.” I know this is a crappy thing to think. To the best of my knowledge I have never been cheated on…and maybe my low number of serious relationships and higher number of casual sex partners is a way to protect myself from it. Who knows? All I know is that if my man cheated on me I would be absolutely destroyed and if the girl came at me with that excuse I’d probably deck her.
I’m aware of how this makes me sound. I know it’s a sad reflection on the way I view and value myself…trust me…I do (and it will be talked about in many a future blog as I try to remedy this issue). I know people will judge me on this behavior; don’t pretend you won’t and don’t feel bad about it. I probably deserve to be judged for this behavior, and all I can say is that I’m working on it.
Unmasking Hidden Unhappiness in Marriage
Workaholic Heartbreak: When Success Costs Your Marriage
Recession Realities: When Financial Stress Tests a Marriage
When Unemployment Tests Marriage
Movies That All Women Should See To Understand Men
Love Lies and Responsibility
The Dating Mishaps of the Ladies of Love Twenty
The Black Male Preference Privilege
Anatomy of a Great (Reality) Relationship
Your Rear End or Your Pride
Why Splitting Costs Isn't Splitting Love
(Broken) Laws of Attraction
FORWARD:
I don’t have a degree in marriage and family counseling, I am not a relationship or dating expert, I have no credentials to talk of these subjects other than my own observations. In no way are they to be taken as facts, they are just my own theories.
- Okay, now that’s out of the way, here goes my rant on cheating men…
Despite this I’m realistic about them. They have flaws (as do women) and I wonder if they are capable of monogamy. I look at my father who despite not always being in the happiest of marriages has always remained faithful, at my uncles, and older generations in my family and have no doubt in my mind that they have stayed true to their wives. It’s my own generation that I have problems with.
Somewhere along the way we started to feel entitled to an easy life; a life that we don’t have to work for. Relationship is work, maintaining happiness is work. More and more I see people who are unwilling to work to make their love work.
“I do not think there are any men that are faithful to their wives.”
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
My disillusionment with male fidelity started early on. After watching girlfriend after girlfriend cry herself to sleep after the man she lost her virginity to threw her away I swore that would never be me. So I set out to make my first time a one night stand with no emotional connection. Yes, I know, how very jaded of me. The man I lost my virginity to was a married man with children (which I didn’t know at the time). I knew him one night and it was a great night but I was left feeling pretty crappy about this mans poor wife and children.
My “love” in college was a man/child with a girlfriend. The funny thing was that we never made a secret of our relationship. All our friends knew about us, we would even hang out with his girlfriend sometimes, laughing at how she had no idea what was going on with us. To be honest I didn’t like the girl and didn’t feel bad in the slightest about sleeping with her boyfriend.
I have had dangerously flirty relationships with more than one married man that included sexting, emails, visits without the wife knowing, stolen kisses, and secret looks. I have not slept with them, and won’t. While the zing and lust that they create is wonderful I will not knowingly sleep with a married man.
These men sometimes have seemingly happy relationships, then again I’m not in them and only the 2 people in the relationship really know. From the outside these marriages seem to be going well. They have the house, the job, the kids, and sure things may have gotten a bit scheduled and predictable, but their wives haven’t let themselves go, they seem to still love and desire their man…so why do they wander? Sadly, when asked, these men have simply answered, “Because I can.” They seem to think their wives will never find out or if they don’t won’t leave because of the children or their low self esteem. This is sad, but probably true.
“It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks lateness, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patching to repair great rents in the quotidian.” John Updike
It’s scary that men justify their infidelity so casually. Just…I do it because I can, because she won’t find out, because if she did she wouldn’t leave me. I have heard men say they were tempted to cheat because they felt under appreciated by their women, others who are unhappy with the quantity and quality of their sex life, and still some who say it’s because their woman is too busy with work or kids to pay attention to them. To these men I say….grow up! Sorry if you don’t like it…but if you can’t open up a line of communication to your woman, express your feelings about these issues, and try to work them out…then what the hell are you doing married?
To those men who have talked to their women about these issues and have been unable to work out solutions and are still unhappy…well that’s harder. As stated before I am afraid our generation has taken for granted that things will be “easy” for us. We have to work for happiness. I never want to say to any male friend or lover “leave your woman” but I suppose sometimes that is what will happen. I won’t pretend to know what goes into making a marriage work…I’ve never been married and feel no desire to ever get married…but I’m pretty sure that such a blasé attitude towards unfaithfulness isn’t a good omen for a relationship.
“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” Jimmy Carter
I’ve often studied the women in these relationships, wondering if they feel a distancing from their husbands, if they suspect that he’s cheating on them and from what I can see, they don’t. (This, by the way, scares the shit out of me and is one of the main reasons I never want to marry…I never wanted to be that woman!) I don’t always know the wife, but there have been situations where I have. Not well mind you, but I’d seen them here or there, sometimes had conversations with them, and even been a guest in their house. They always seemed happy, staring adoringly at their husbands from across the room with no apparently concern that he might not be faithful to her.
There have been a number of men in my past (some not too distant) that I have been involved with who have had girlfriends. After dabbling in the dangerous flirtations of married men, a guy with a girlfriend seems like small game. There is still a thrill there and none of the guilt of breaking vows. I usually have no problem sleeping with a man who has a girlfriend. I would make this okay in my mind by saying, “If she can’t keep him happy that’s her fault.” I know this is a crappy thing to think. To the best of my knowledge I have never been cheated on…and maybe my low number of serious relationships and higher number of casual sex partners is a way to protect myself from it. Who knows? All I know is that if my man cheated on me I would be absolutely destroyed and if the girl came at me with that excuse I’d probably deck her.
I’m aware of how this makes me sound. I know it’s a sad reflection on the way I view and value myself…trust me…I do (and it will be talked about in many a future blog as I try to remedy this issue). I know people will judge me on this behavior; don’t pretend you won’t and don’t feel bad about it. I probably deserve to be judged for this behavior, and all I can say is that I’m working on it.
Type d'événement :
Réunion en Plénière du collectif
Début de l'événement :
25.03.2022
Fin de l'événement :
27.03.2022